Dear Team,
Very sorry to call in sick but I have that bug that’s going around.
Love,
Santa
Dear Santa,
Please come to work, we cannot cover your shift at such short notice.
Yours,
Team Santa.
Dear Team,
I don’t mean to cause any problems but last year you made me work all night, visiting nearly every house in the world — and I didn’t even get an hour’s break time (as required by law).
Also, it took you three months to pay my invoice. I have the flu.
Yours,
Santa
Dear Santa,
These sound like workplace grievances rather than legitimate sickness. May I remind you that you are a senior member of our team and you are here to set an example to the little ones.
This behaviour will not be tolerated. Get to work at once — we have a lot of ground to cover tonight.
Yours,
Team Santa
Dear Team,
I told you, I’m sick! I think I’ve ruptured my cruciate ligament. Can’t you just get someone else for tonight? How about Howard in accounting? His beard is almost long enough.
Yours,
Santa.
Dear Santa,
This is your final warning. If you do not come to work immediately you will be fired. It’s time to come to town, Santa Claus.
Team Santa
Dear Team,
None of the kids have been nice this year, so why bother? Also, I forgot to pick my uniform up from the cleaners.
How about we delay Christmas for a day or two? The postal service are casual about deliveries, why can’t we be!?
Love,
Santa
Dear Santa,
You’re fired.
Team.
